Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Slim, fair, good looking- Score 1!

So, what can an arranged marriage do to you apart from wreck the precious 1 or 2 hours that you manage to steal for yourself after endless hours at office, to watch sitcoms or call up friends by forcing you to go through 'profiles' and 'photos' of guys/girls you don't know?

It can be the cause of complete and total annihilation of your self-confidence.
I am not going to take sides of the male or female kind here because it is an equally humiliating experience for both. But since I have seen and heard more of the latter kind, my source of feeling of angst, sorrow, and misgiving to this whole concept stems from the experiences of the ‘fairer’ sex (what a thoroughly apt term if one considers the first and foremost point in the Basic Checklist for Arranged Marriage for Dummies)
Going by common standards, God save the poor souls who don’t come under the slim, fair and good-looking cadre (the first and foremost point in the Basic Checklist for Arranged Marriage for Dummies!).
Anyone who thought that being an ‘engineer’ is enough qualification for a girl, I’m sorry, you will now be wronged by the mighty ‘MBA’. The girl HAS to be MBA, okay I’ll cut some slack here, a ‘PG degree holder’ by 24.
So even if you have just a 3 point groom specification check list, you might have to cut it short if you’re just an ‘engineer’. So the presentably good looking becomes, not too frightening; PG degree holder becomes at least another ‘engineer’ and able to communicate properly becomes, able to communicate. Why do I limit myself to just ‘engineer’s? Because, most people want a ‘professionally’ qualified girl as their partner (followed by should not work after marriage in some cases, beat that!). Funny fact being, engineers, now that there are more engineering colleges than ‘Nair Tea Kada’s, have long ceased to be professionals.
So the next time your interview panelist asks ‘Why MBA?’, you know you have another reason nagging at the back of your head along with money-money- money as you put on a grim, thoughtful face and begin to bore his brains out with ‘passion’ and ‘destiny’ and ‘making the world a better place’ (yeah, as if!)
And again, it is not an easy ‘Swayamvar’ story for guys either. I’ll have to admit, it’s tougher for a guy than a girl in this road show (for more, refer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kkx04yuJJ80 ). But this post just aims at avenging the slaughter of the confidence of a friend (heh).
I am not against the concept of arranged marriages (I mean, me!, I’ve had some pretty lousy crushes. I, of all people, should be grateful for the existence of such a procedure); but I’m just appalled at the effect that this method of groom/bride hunt has on the people well, ‘victimized’ by it. And rejection at the profile round is not even half bad…I’ve heard worse about rejections at subsequent rounds of selections.
One could argue that so much importance shouldn’t be attached to this rejection- selection game. But then people should stop associating the worth of a person depending on the number of profiles that have rejected/selected that person. This, I’m sorry to notice never happens. ‘already rejected by 50 people.. maybe you shouldn’t be so particular even if he/she looks 10 years older …maybe you should be okay even if you have to go to Siberia, maybe you should be okay even if he/she has a tail…’ and the standards reduce till you arrive at such a low morale that you’re just happy you’re getting married.
Who wants to get married like that?
Oh, and also, where is the love??

Entering this post for an indiblogger contest! do visit: https://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

21 comments:

Alex said...

Well, in arranged marriage, love comes after marriage, or supposed to...but i'm more interested in what you mean by "...even if he has a tail...". Underline 'even'.

Divya said...

ermm.. okay for those of you who are aware of my recent mishap, I should add there, pun intended!

palani said...

I myself dont bliv in arranged marr girl... but wat to do.. ppl who break up after a long relationship really dont have the guts to go for another one.. its always better to go with ur parents.. i would say this is a fitting blog for me...

Mahul Bhattacharya said...

You "simply" made your point. Great one.

Divya said...

Sure Palani, like I said I'm not against arranged marriage. I just hate what it does to people in the process.

Divya said...

@ Mahul,
I'm glad! :D

palani said...

I forgot this....

Thanks for the blog!!! :) :)


eagerly awaiting for the next one...!

Jack said...

Divya,

I am sorry that you friend faced such awkward situation. Arranged marriages are fine as long as boy and girl both have opportunity to spend some time, maybe at public place without anyone keeping an eye, to decide for themselve if they would like to tie the knot. It is their life and it should be left to them to take decision, both with equal right to say yer or no.

Take care

Divya said...

@jack-
very true!
but the superficial aspect of this, where a boy or a girl rejects even before they get to know the person, that can be hard on some people.

Jack said...

Divya,

I agree but one has to be practical to understand that it is better to face this once than to live miserable life throughout.

Take care

Divya said...

that point is true and non debatable!

Ravikiran said...

Actually arranged marriage these days is better than the past.Atleast the guy and the girl can spend some "MONTHS" to get to know each other etc etc.. agree?
our parents had a tougher time :D !!! Not that we have it easy but yeah atleast the situation is slightly better ;)

Btw Sympathies on your recent mishap :)

Swati said...

You should add me to your blog's mailing list. I barely blog these days and completely miss the feeds.

I don't need to comment. The whole thing is an exercise in futility. Like I've said before, the entire process isn't natural. Single's better than having a monkey man as my husband.

I'm drained. GMAT's taking a toll. MBA eh? :D

Divya said...

@ravikiran - well, agreed but it still doesn't make it any better :(

Divya said...

@swati- indeed! ugh!

Motormouth. said...

Well said and aptly written. I've been through this process of self decimation and trust me the process sucks. I've lost all respect for these families and it's not worth it. And guys decide to meet only *tall, fair, slim and pretty women*. Arranged marriages probably save us the trouble of investing in stupid men, but the irony is even the parent's choice after weeks of research turn out to be morons.
Sorry for rambling so much, I just had to!

Anupama K. Mazumder said...

Not really that bad. But for ones with a dusky complexion or not-so-good looking face, it becomes really tough as no one seems interested at all. :(

Obsessivemom said...

Hey it's not that bad really. You're right when you say.. the whole thing shouldn't be takes too seriously.
BTW.. First time here - love your header, it's beautiful.

DMulan said...

Anupama - it's just the whole process that I find well, funny actually! Leaves one so confused!

DMulan said...

Obsessivemom - thank you :)

desispark said...

Interesting opinion on arranged marriages and 100% agree with Jack's comment! I run a free Indian matrimonial site called Desi Spark and I also have a blog where I provide advice and guidance to help people find their matrimonial partner so it's great to read other peoples thoughts on this.

All the best,