she.... in white...

she had always looked beautiful in white. they all knew that.. white was her favourite colour. she looked happy... a very peaceful and content look on her face as she lay there covered in that white sheet, surrounded by white lilies. but somehow, they could not think of her as beautiful. not today...

white was Amie's favourite colour. she had worn a beautiful white frock on her fourth birthday. a big white bow had adorned her shoulder length blond hair. daddy had got the bow from Singapore specially with that frock in mind. daddy would get the whole world for her if she asked for it. his daughter was his life. his only daughter. his only beautiful baby daughter. he had so many dreams for her. year after year as she blew the candles on her birthday cake he dreamt another dream for her. every year she insisted on buying a white dress for her birthday. and daddy would dream of his little doll one day in a white flowing gown ready to leave her folks and start a new life. daddy would dream of his precious darling in a white suit ready to take on a new job and face the world. daddy dreamt so much... after all daddy had only one daughter, daddy had only one kid; daddy wanted only the best for her. she had his eyes, his nose, his hair; she was his flesh and blood. she was his everything.
and then the fifth birthday, sixth, seventh; years just passed by. and daddy just grew fonder and fonder of his little angel Amie.
But mummy was not the same. Amie couldn't remember the time when mummy had last kissed her; or hugged her. in fact Amie couldn't remember the last time she had even looked at her with love in her eyes. but Amie couldn't bring herself to think that mummy hated her. daddy told her mummy was ill; that she was in a lot of pain and thats why she behaved so. all her friends at school had kind and caring mothers. Sarah's mummy was a wonderful lady. Amie found her beautiful too. of course, Amie found her own mother beautiful..but only in photos. she found her to be angelic in those wedding photos of hers, wearing that beautiful off shoulder white bridal gown. Amie thought she looked happy and full of life in them. she had never seen mummy like that ever in real life. it seemed so impossible for mummy to have been normal and like all other mummies. Amie never understood what disease mummy had. but it made her look bad. she was always irritated and angry. she didn't even seem to be happy with daddy.
Amie's mother had had a wonderful marriage. she had fell in love with the most amazing man. she was the envy of all her friends. she had everything she could ask for. she was beautiful, had a loving and wonderful husband who gave her anything she wanted, lots of money, a big villa with a beautiful garden that had rows and rows of white lilies and roses... she had her room painted white.. white was after all her favourite colour. her husband never said no to anything. she was Cinderella living her fairy tale.. that was until the day they gave her the news. and then Amie came into her life...
she was shocked when they told her she would never be a mother. but her shock was nothing compared to her husband's. he had always wanted a baby.. 'a beautiful baby daughter' he used to say. he cried that whole night. he hated his wife for not giving him the only thing he wanted. he felt cheated and deceived. what had he not done for her.. he loved her, gave her everything she asked for. and she could not give him the only thing he wanted so badly. he hated her for that. he hit her and shut her up in her room. she cried and pleaded. she threatened him that she would die. and he knew it was beyond her, one sane moment was enough for the educated man to know his wife was not at fault.deep down he did love her. but he did not feel it anymore. sometimes he would go up to her to fall at her feet and ask for forgiveness. but sane moments are such a rare thing. what sanity can u ask of a man who has been denied his life's greatest desire? emotions are such an unfair means of the creator to take away the logical thinking of mankind... probably that is His way of keeping mankind in its place; that small slip of feet when he reaches too high up on the ladder. and he never did go up to her. he hated her. he had no explainable just reason but he hated her.
and then he brought Amie home. she was the most beautiful baby in the orphanage.. and he thought she looked just like him. no one would say she was adopted. no one. she was his flesh and blood. she was his own daughter. he loved her from the moment he took her in his arms. and she would be the only reason he lived for. no one else mattered. not even his wife. his wife who could not give him a baby. his wife who was just another being in his huge villa for all he cared. his wife who, he now hated more... and she hated Amie. she hated Amie for taking away everything from her. as years passed and daddy dreamt another dream for his little daughter, she hated Amie more. she hated Amie for taking her place. she hated Amie for sharing her favourite colour. she hated Amie for everything. She blamed Amie, that little kid no more than seven, for ruining her life. she hated her enough to kill her. maybe then her life would be different...maybe then her husband would love her.
Amie hoped her mummy would one day be like all the other mummies. her mummy beat her when daddy was not home. she refused to even look at her. mummy would not comb her hair or read her a story at night. mummy would never even come near her. mummy always screamed at her. she heard mummy screaming at daddy too. she heard her mummy cry at night. she heard her hitting daddy. she heard her yell and shout. she heard her screaming at daddy that she would kill herself. but daddy was the sweetest person Amie knew. everybody loved daddy. daddy would never harm mummy. daddy loved mummy so much and mummy would never care. but she knew mummy was ill and all this was not her fault. she hoped mummy would get alright soon and they would also be like Sarah's family who went out on picnics and movies together. she dreamt of that day. and she knew it would come soon. in fact she had a feeling it was coming too soon. maybe tomorrow would be the day. it was Amie's birthday and mummy seemed a lot better today. she did not cry today. she even thought mummy looked at her and smiled today. maybe she was getting alright. maybe all was going to be fine. Amie saw her mummy trying on that new white dress daddy had got her. Amie thought she looked beautiful in it and she rushed to try on her new white birthday dress too... all was going to be fine. her mummy was going to be alright. it was going to be her best birthday.

and they all came for the funeral the next day. daddy sat in a corner. he had no expression. he looked frozen. he spoke to no one. her white dress had been smeared with blood. he was the first one to see her. the sight had made him dizzy. everything had gone blank after that. he didn't know who had made the arrangements for the funeral. maybe his servants, maybe his neighbours, he didn't know. all he knew was that it was his fault. he knew he had made her do it..
but she looked happy... a very peaceful and content look on her face as she lay there covered in that white sheet, surrounded by white lilies. she had always looked beautiful in white.. but somehow, they could not think of her as beautiful. not today...